I know you don’t know me. But I am a fearful, worrying person. Okay, so those aren’t my only qualities, but they are the most relevant to this post. I seek security of every kind. Financial… relational… physical. And because I seek security, I don’t often seek adventure. Oh, I used to. I used to be fearless when I was younger and single and had little to no responsibilities. But what growing up and maturing have gotten me (besides a few laugh lines and a much slower metabolism) is an increased sense of fear.
So when I felt God calling me to leave my full-time job with its steady paycheck that greatly helps us pay the bills and, well, eat, my first thought was, “Lord, You know me better than anybody. Surely you jest.”
But He wasn’t jesting. And yes, He does know me better than anybody, and He knows I need Him. But maybe more than that, He knows that I need to realize how much I need Him. You see, I know God is getting ready to do something amazing in my life and in my family, but I always feel I have to control that. I need the steady job with the predictable income that plugs right into my neat little monthly budget. Because that means I have control. Security and control.
Do you know how many times the Bible says, “Fear not” or “Do not be afraid” (or some variance of those two phrases)? According to one source, it is 103 times. Do you know how many times God tells us to worry or rely on ourselves? Zero. In fact, He pretty much tells us to do the opposite.
I still don’t know exactly how God is going to continue to provide for my family or what that amazing thing is that He will do through all of this. But I know one thing: I’m already trusting Him completely. Because that’s all I can do at this point. And He knows that. He knows me.
Love in Christ,