To the Older Mom, with a Young Child, Who Feels Left Out

Maybe, like me, you didn’t find “the one” until you were a little older than most.

Maybe you struggled with infertility for years before having a baby or adopting.

Maybe you had a surprise baby after your other children were older.

Whatever the reason, I know. I’m there, too.

Your mom friends who are your age have kids that are much older than yours, possibly even grown. Some may even be grandparents already.

The other moms you know with young children are also much younger than you are.

And it’s hard. It’s hard to know where you fit in as an older mom with a young child. You may kind of feel like everyone passed you by while you were waiting.

You may not be as physically fit as you were in your 20s, which sometimes makes it difficult to keep up with a toddler, preschooler or even grade-schooler. Sitting on the floor to play turns into an aerobic workout to get up. A trip to the park can leave you huffing and puffing and promising yourself that you’ll work out more.

older mom of young childYou think about the age you will be when he or she graduates from high school or college. When he or she gets married. When grandchildren finally come along. Will you be young enough to keep up with them when the time comes?

But let me tell you something. There are some wonderful things about being a mom who’s a little older.

First of all, may I remind you God gave you your child at the perfect moment. Not too early. Not too late. That sweetheart was placed in your arms in God’s perfect timing. Don’t ever doubt your ability to do what you do because, obviously, the greatest parent of all thought so much of you that He knew you could do it.

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. – I Samuel 1: 27-28a (NIV)

You have a wisdom that you didn’t have 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago. With that wisdom, maturity, and experience, there are things about parenthood that you are much more equipped to take on and succeed. And you’re probably much more laid back than you would have been (or were) as a younger mom.

The truth is your friends whose children are older than yours most likely love to be around your younger child. It’s a way for them to remember when theirs were little and recapture that little bit of baby/toddler/preschooler magic. Plus, you can learn from their years of parenting. Their older kids will probably dote on your little one as well. And, hello…babysitters!

older mom young child
Photo credit: Alicia Rowland Photography

And those younger moms who have children your age can both teach you and learn from you. It’s a relationship that can be mutually beneficial because you see motherhood with different eyes. So make those playdates, even if you feel you have nothing in common with that 28-year-old mom. You might be surprised.

As far as the physical effects of being of “advanced maternal age,” as they call it in the medical world, having a young child can actually help keep you young. Maybe you could have kept up better 15 or 20 years ago, but without your little one to keep you on your toes, you would probably be much less active. In some ways, you might actually feel younger now than you did before your child was born.

Our Father is so good to bless us with our children. Don’t get discouraged when you feel left out of all of the other mom groups. You are a part of an amazing, strong, and special sisterhood. And the bottom line is we moms at any age all want the best for our children.

Her children rise up and call her blessed… – Proverbs 31:28a (ESV)

Love in Christ,

she who has believed

 

 

 

 

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12 Replies to “To the Older Mom, with a Young Child, Who Feels Left Out”

  1. I am with you! My best friend from back home is a year+ older than I am and has four grandchildren! I’m over here with a 7 year old! But I know God waited for me to be ready to be a mom willing to learn and walk in humility. And I had to wait for this baby to need a mom. Next week, we will celebrate 7 years since she became ours legally. And you are so right about the relationships – If I weren’t a mom right now, I would have missed out on some important women in my life.

    1. God writes such beautiful stories for us and I love reading about yours! I’m like you, I wasn’t ready before. I wouldn’t change a thing!

  2. To add to that, this grandmother feels a little too inadequate to care for little grandchildren due to age. So when they say, “Nana, sit here on the floor and play.” My answer is “I’d never be able to get up.” But because of getting that 2nd chance of having little ones calling me nana, priceless.

    1. Yes! What an amazing Nana you are to take care of those precious grandchildren! God just keeps blessing, doesn’t he?

  3. We tend to mellow as we age. Evan called today on his way home from work. Aiden is in the terrible two stage. Been getting into trouble a lot lately. I told him to remember when he got in trouble at school, he begged us to listen to his side first. Before we hung up, I reminded him to listen to Aidens side first. I think part of his problem, they moved farther away from us so no Pop and Nana every day. Plus no trees, no shade, unbearable heat. He has all this stockpiled energy thats too much for inside the house. He wasntsd yo be outside.. So remember when your boy gets in trouble, hear him out no matter how bazaar the story might be. ,💙

  4. I got married when I was 30, and it looks like I’ll be at least 33 when I have my first baby. Not really old I know, but it seems old in some Christian circles. Thanks for this encouragement. God will give me my baby at exactly the right time.

    1. Absolutely! The older I got, the more I thought it just wasn’t going to happen for me. Then I met my sweet husband, we were married about five months later, and then around 16 months after that our son was born. I wouldn’t change a thing!

  5. There was no way that I could have been a good mother in my twenties. I love watching my daughter-in-love pour herself at age 23 into my grandson, because it reinforced for me the truth that everyone’s story will be different because God is just that creative!

    1. Absolutely! I know I’m exactly the right age to be his mom because that’s how God ordained it. Plus I had to wait until I met my husband and neither of us was ready 20 years ago!

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