Confession time: I had always wanted to be a mom who works outside the home. Even when I was young and had dreams of being a wife and mother, I just always knew I would be one of those moms that had a career and picked my child up from daycare or a babysitter every day. It’s what I had always planned.
It’s funny how looking into the eyes of a chubby, innocent face just changes your whole way of thinking.
Really even when I was still pregnant, I began to explore the possibility of being home with my son. It just wouldn’t work for us. I was employed full-time. My husband and I were co-breadwinners. I even carried our insurance at my job. It just couldn’t happen.
A lot has occurred between then and now, but four-and-a-half years later, here I sit. In my kitchen. At just before 8:00 in the morning. And I have nowhere to go. I am a stay-at-home mom.
And I have some fears. Some big fears.
What if my discipline doesn’t work?
What if we get bored?
What if it hurts our bond to spend so much time together?
What if I get too overwhelmed with caring for him, working at home, and keeping up the house?
What if I miss adult companionship?
What if he misses child companionship?
So. Many. Questions.
Bottom line: What if I stink at this?
“Now may the God of peace…equip you with everything good for doing his will…” – Hebrews 13:20-21
I have no doubt that this endeavor is a calling from God. He is the One who led me to this place. Would my precious Father bring me to a situation and leave me to go it alone? Would He allow me to fail?
Those are the questions for which I have a definite answer. He said it right there in Hebrews. He will equip me to do what He’s called me to do.
Does the unknown frighten you? Are you afraid to walk into what He has for you because you don’t know if you’ll be good at it? Or if you’ll even survive?
I have many doubts about my own abilities. But I have zero doubt in the ability of my God to do all things in and through me.
Truthfully, the first day of this new adventure was not completely smooth. I messed up. He messed up. The nap attempt didn’t work. There was a scene at Chick-fil-A. I couldn’t get all of the cleaning done that I had planned. But I had peace at the end of the day.
Because yes, I may stink at this. But my Heavenly Father is good at everything.